So "I'm back" wasn't really there....

Ever feel like you have written the same cycle of blog entries 1,000 times?

We'll here it is again. I finally found someone I think can actually help with the chronic pain issues. I am going to have to be very strict with my diet. I am also going to do what I can to drop the weight and strengthen my back. If I don't then there isn't going to be much enjoyment in my world.

So what does that mean? Means I got a kick in my butt about the fact that it is me being lazy that is the reason I hurt and am heavy. So I am going to take a shot at couch to 10K. 13 weeks of training to run. I am going to work on several 5K and 10K runs this summer.

So I am currently finding a way to download audio books and putting together some playlists. I have a plan and put exercise on my schedule and the family calendar. No hiding from it now. I will pull out workout clothing tonight when I get home.

I am going to take a three-week hiatus from entertaining or going out. In order to eat clean I feel like I need to prepare food in my own home and do it right.

So again, here I am at the beginning.

Grow up

If you can't be an adult get out of my face. If you think I am mean and scary, then you don't know me and if you don't know me I guess then I can be what you think I am instead of who I am just for you.

Post Exile - I am back now

Exile was last Friday night and was a hell of a success. Brent and his partner Todd did an amazing job pulling this off. The LeatherMagick Board (Heather, Cinimin, Saskia, Issac and Becca) did a great job of getting people there. Janet was fantastic in supporting the event even with bar prep and back to school. I have never been referred to as a testicle before but apparently it was a good thing and we managed to pull off the event. I won't have an exact number for LM until the BBQ but I am sure it will be a large one.

So now that I am in the post event recovery mode before we finalize everything for the LeatherMagick Goodwill BBQ.


I really enjoy what Laura Antinoiou has to say and her recent speech at the 19th Anniversary of GWNN
July 20, 2012 Austin, TX was yet another example of her making a community think. It can be found here: http://blog.lantoniou.com/?page_id=1861

The section that hit home for me is quoted below:
"Instead, protect your real lifestyle – not composed of ritual and habit and modes of dress and play and speech – but the style of your life that exists without any trappings whatsoever, your morals, ethics, your personal values and truths. Remind yourself that in order to become dignified, you should life a life of dignity. In order to earn respect, you must be respectful. In order to attract people around you who value loyalty, you must be a true and loyal friend and ally. In order to be taken seriously as a leader, you must…lead. These things will not come naturally and they won’t always be easy. Sometimes, you have to pretend you are better mannered than you feel like you truly are, inside. But enough time spent pretending you have good manners…guess what happens?

You become polite."

I have felt guilty about stepping back. Guilty that I haven't "correctly attired" my partner. That I am not a "good" enough submissive to him. You know what. I shouldn't. I know, there are people that have been telling me that for years but it is finally hitting home.

On other notes, I am hunting for a 5K to be able to set as a goal this spring. Here's to getting back in shape.

Friday!

This is a rare weekend where we don't have a bunch of places to be. I love our friends but I am completely ok with having a weekend to play catch up. We have plans to do the market, have a nice breakfast just us and then do some serious work in the house. I am planning on getting the rest of the sewing room put together and completing a couple of projects. We are also going to plan on working in the yard some. I want to get my serger set up and make myself a couple of blouses. Should be a good weekend.

The challenge this weekend will actually be staying on track with diet and exercise. I have been really good at work, now I need to keep those good habits at home. We are planning on some early morning yard work which is always a positive way to get out and get some exercise. I look forward to it.

I was five for five this week on getting a walk in on one of my breaks. Going to try to add two a day for two days next week to build on this good habit! Looking forward to it.

Waiting on confirmation

So yesterday I did something for myself, I got my nails done. I am happy so far, we will see how they wear.

I also managed to field phone calls about a personal situation from my reality check person and feel like I am
in a good place with it. Will see what happens with things as the situation develops. Either way I can sit down at the table or walk away and I am ok with it.

Several weeks ago I connected with the board of an organization and essentially asked the "What have you done for me lately" question. The answer was basically, nothing but would you like to change that. I said that I would be very interested in changing it. I have had a communication stall for a couple of weeks but this morning found out that I will be presented to the board at a meeting next week to potentially be an interim in the position. So fingers crossed.

I was able to stay within the calorie counts yesterday and am on track for tonight. I didn't get a full walk in on my morning break because of stiffness so I will try to make it up this afternoon.

And I'm off... Seriously, I am

So here I am back again. The last five months have been a series of interesting curve balls, redeveloping connections and finding a place for me in my own world. I have seriously backed off of involvement in several things to focus on my relationship and myself. I have done the health consultation and have worked to develop a plan to take me down to a healthy weight in my average height. The goal is 125 pounds by November of 2013. I have my "tools" which include the fit bit, P90X and Loseit.com to track my eating habits. My friends and partner are on board and I have developed a system of accountability. The goal in all of this is to keep doing the things I enjoy in terms of cooking, entertaining and socializing. So here we go.

Its so Friday!

It has been a long week but today is Friday. Usually I am gearing up for a relaxing weekend but this weekend I am bouncing off the walls because the basement project is ALMOST done. The walls are being textured today and they should be ready for paint in the morning. So we will do painting and light fixtures tomorrow and then lay floor on Sunday. I am really looking forward to having it done and having the drywall dust and construction mess gone.

Things with the eating change seem to be doing well. I am down some and getting better about watching what I eat. I am using loseit.com with the nook to maintain as accurate a log as possible. I am walking with the lady from work, though didn't today because of the weather, and will get back to the gym starting this weekend. I am really looking forward to seeing positive progress.

So this is rock bottom, at least as far as I am concerned

So I am sure that the initial thought of people reading the subject line is that this will be a negative post. I am taking it the other direction.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it flashed the heaviest number I have ever seen. That's it. That number is the final straw. I won't let it get any larger. I refuse to. So what does that mean?

1) Refined Sugar is out
2) I am going to walk daily at work with a co-worker for one of the 15 minute breaks
3) I will be going to the gym at least four times a week
   a) For the next three weeks Cardio only
   b) After that point cardio and strength training

We are starting to utilize the Paleo Diet and I am looking forward to making those changes.

The agony and power of saying no

So on my lunch hour I was floating around the inter-webs and came across a site that is one of my favorites. I have been down about my wardrobe and was just kind of searching. The deal was great 70% off already and an additional 25% off. I went through the site found stuff I loved and started putting it in my card. I wedged it down to a "reasonable" amount and was almost through the checkout process. That was when I asked the question I should have asked well before that point. Do I need this? The answer was no. Do I want this? The answer was yes. Then I started going through a list, do I want it more than the hot tub cover? The bathroom counters? A dinner out with friends?  The checkout process stopped, cart is deleted.

The question and thought process now is about the process I was using and what I am not thinking about in terms of decision making. We talk a lot about priorities in our lives but I am not sure that I am factoring those priorities into daily life. Something to think about.

Finding a way to find myself - Sugar Addiction

One of the things that I have started to consciously work on is making the outside match my insides. After having discovered that Gluten = Sick for me I learned what it was like to feel good. That lasted until I started "cheating" and finding ways to manage symptoms instead of dealing with the root cause. I do that a lot more than I like to admit.
  The past 10 days have been about consciously "eating clean" when it comes to gluten. Does it mean that I didn't desperately want a brownie, nope. Does it mean that I can just walk away from fresh bread without feeling deprived, nope. Does it mean that I need to separate the emotion of eating the gluten from the emotion of the time, absolutely.

I don't have a serious sweet tooth, sweet isn't the flavor that makes me happy, but I am finding myself not willing to give up the sugar filled treats when I am stressed or in the evenings. That is the next task I want to tackle in order to make some changes. So starting tonight I am going to make a conscious effort to go the next six months without refined sugar based sweets. This dovetails into the Paleo based diet that I am working towards as well.

Interesting reads regarding kicking sugar addiction:
http://www.girl-heroes.com/2009/01/29/10-ways-to-help-break-a-sugar-addiction/

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/2664/1/Break-the-Sugar-Addiction-Six-Easy-Steps.html